Hello, it's me. The girl that used to write about her life all of the time.
It's been a long week and after over a year of not blogging, I decided that maybe this will make it a little better -- and I'm hoping to get back to being a regular (something I said a year ago, I know, but I actually mean it this time).
To go through junior year would be a doozy and honestly, probably not the best way to spend your day. As a catch up on all that's been happening, it's been the year of why nots.
For those that I spend the majority of my time with, you've heard me spew this phrase over and over again: this is the year of why nots, not what ifs. And to be honest, taking each day with this thought process has changed everything.
This time last year, I sat behind this screen and I wasn't in the best place. I was going through the motions of school and work, living nap to nap and really just wondering where I was going next, and not being okay with it. A summer at State living on my own gave me the time to realize that I didn't want to be like that anymore. I wanted to take in every day, embrace each challenge and remember what it was like to truly value the time in Happy Valley.
Hence came this cliché of the year of why nots.
If you go for the why not instead of the what if, you have no regrets, something that I seemed to have a lot of at the end of my sophomore year. You take more risks, you stop thinking about every little thing that could happen and just DO something, you become yourself again.
But always choosing the why not instead of the what if doesn't necessarily lead to happiness. This perspective involves putting yourself out there to be vulnerable, telling people how you really feel, going out on a limb, being ambitious in trying to make some sort of impact in this world and sometimes, just accepting the fact that things are out of your control. Not letting others affect your happiness, but simply contribute to it and just being okay with the fact that some things happen beyond anything you can do.
With just about a month left of my third year at State (holy guac, when did I get old?), I can say that the why not is much better than the what if. I spontaneously flew to Colorado for three days, took on new positions on campus, spent New Year's Eve in Australia with my best galpal, danced on probably too many elevated surfaces and went with my gut in each moment. On the flip side, I may have dropped my laptop, just squeaked through 304, not landed the internship, not gotten a chance or two and feel lost because there is no set plan for the next 12 months of my life, but here I am, still standing. Life hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows and there's been plenty of ugly cries, but I didn't go through the motions this time around; as someone that doesn't believe in bad timing, each setback has led to a better comeback and I think that is what is important here. This whole adventure is better when I put myself out there, go after my goals and embrace not being afraid to fail. I haven't once bet against myself, and that's a lesson I'll take right to the bank.
So jumping back to this week, it sure hasn't been easy, but what has gotten me through mentally is being proud of myself for not letting it become a what if. It's been a lot of mental juggling of feelings, exams, relationships and so on, but I would not change a thing. The last few days have proven to me that being yourself is worth it and I am surrounded by people that help me remember that when I seem to have forgotten. Not only have I been allowed to cry, eat lots of ice cream and vegetate, I've been reminded again and again that this year of why nots isn't about everything working out the way I had hoped.
It's about letting myself feel, asking for help when I need it, and holding on to the hope that there may not always be a clear why, but things will happen the way they are supposed to. There's never a reason to not love, support and believe in yourself and the people around you each and every day.. even when you feel that you or they don't deserve it. Because, why not?
Here's to tomorrow,
Kirst
It's been a long week and after over a year of not blogging, I decided that maybe this will make it a little better -- and I'm hoping to get back to being a regular (something I said a year ago, I know, but I actually mean it this time).
To go through junior year would be a doozy and honestly, probably not the best way to spend your day. As a catch up on all that's been happening, it's been the year of why nots.
For those that I spend the majority of my time with, you've heard me spew this phrase over and over again: this is the year of why nots, not what ifs. And to be honest, taking each day with this thought process has changed everything.
This time last year, I sat behind this screen and I wasn't in the best place. I was going through the motions of school and work, living nap to nap and really just wondering where I was going next, and not being okay with it. A summer at State living on my own gave me the time to realize that I didn't want to be like that anymore. I wanted to take in every day, embrace each challenge and remember what it was like to truly value the time in Happy Valley.
Hence came this cliché of the year of why nots.
If you go for the why not instead of the what if, you have no regrets, something that I seemed to have a lot of at the end of my sophomore year. You take more risks, you stop thinking about every little thing that could happen and just DO something, you become yourself again.
But always choosing the why not instead of the what if doesn't necessarily lead to happiness. This perspective involves putting yourself out there to be vulnerable, telling people how you really feel, going out on a limb, being ambitious in trying to make some sort of impact in this world and sometimes, just accepting the fact that things are out of your control. Not letting others affect your happiness, but simply contribute to it and just being okay with the fact that some things happen beyond anything you can do.
With just about a month left of my third year at State (holy guac, when did I get old?), I can say that the why not is much better than the what if. I spontaneously flew to Colorado for three days, took on new positions on campus, spent New Year's Eve in Australia with my best galpal, danced on probably too many elevated surfaces and went with my gut in each moment. On the flip side, I may have dropped my laptop, just squeaked through 304, not landed the internship, not gotten a chance or two and feel lost because there is no set plan for the next 12 months of my life, but here I am, still standing. Life hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows and there's been plenty of ugly cries, but I didn't go through the motions this time around; as someone that doesn't believe in bad timing, each setback has led to a better comeback and I think that is what is important here. This whole adventure is better when I put myself out there, go after my goals and embrace not being afraid to fail. I haven't once bet against myself, and that's a lesson I'll take right to the bank.
So jumping back to this week, it sure hasn't been easy, but what has gotten me through mentally is being proud of myself for not letting it become a what if. It's been a lot of mental juggling of feelings, exams, relationships and so on, but I would not change a thing. The last few days have proven to me that being yourself is worth it and I am surrounded by people that help me remember that when I seem to have forgotten. Not only have I been allowed to cry, eat lots of ice cream and vegetate, I've been reminded again and again that this year of why nots isn't about everything working out the way I had hoped.
It's about letting myself feel, asking for help when I need it, and holding on to the hope that there may not always be a clear why, but things will happen the way they are supposed to. There's never a reason to not love, support and believe in yourself and the people around you each and every day.. even when you feel that you or they don't deserve it. Because, why not?
Here's to tomorrow,
Kirst
